3 lions

The spectacularly entertaining fall from grace of Mr John Terry has been a long time coming. He is undoubtedly one of the most greedy and arrogant people in the public eye today, though admittedly this is in a society where greed and arrogance are considered more or less the norm. His sneering lack of concern for anyone else was all too clear, for example, when he was caught parking his Bentley in a disabled parking space to avoid paying 50p in the pay-and-display. He spent much of the autumn fostering rumours that Manchester Citeh were keen to sign him by making him a pay offer that no sane man could refuse... until conveniently Chelsea bumped his pay up to £170k a week and he was able to reiterate his undying love for the club's bank balance.

Terry had another narrow escape barely a month ago when his uniquely well-remunerated services as a tour guide came to light: ten grand cash in hand to tour the Chelsea football grahnd.

With the possibility that Mr Terry's naked contempt for common decency might lead to him being asked to vacate the position of England football captain, who could possibly step into the role instead? Let's look at a few candidates:

1. Rio Ferdinand - one of the three, along with Terry and Gerrard, who auditioned for the role only a year or so ago. Rio said in 2008 that he believed his past mistakes could make him a better captain - though he didn't spell out better than what/who.
2. Steven "Stevie" Gerrard might argue that his reputation is spotless because he was, after all, found not guilty of assaulting a man who wouldn't let him play the song he wanted when he was out on the piss.
3. Frank Lampard is almost as prone as Terry is to crying when he doesn't get his way, but assuming Terry stays in the team it wouldn't be credible for the club captain to have to defer to a club-mate when in the England strip.
4. Glen Johnston - may be too busy down at B&Q to be able to shoulder the extra responsibility, assuming he gets into the squad in the first place.
5. Michael Owen - who?
6. David Beckham has done the job before, and very capably, but can't really be regarded at international level as much more than a super-substitute: good for a thirty minute blitzkrieg towards the end of a game maybe, but not a guaranteed starter unless the opponents are of the lowest calibre.
7. David James - one of the few footballers with any moral credibility, but struggling to maintain fitness and aform despite all the practice he gets at picking the ball out of the Portsmouth net. Maybe a good caretaker 'til the World Cup is out the way?
8. Wayne Rooney - well... he's arguably the captain-after-next. Once he's done another year or two of calming down, and can demonstrably go five minutes without shouting swear words at referees, he might just make the grade.

Which kind of argues for the status quo....

In fact: what the heck. Keep John Terry as captain, because then when England are knocked out in the quarter finals (assuming they make it that far) he can fall on his sword and blub on the telly in the required fashion.