How quickly can you hit that "next channel" button?

Multi-channel telly is great, isn't it? But you should never let that remote control slip too far out of sight. Here's a quick set of cues for those of you who may be a little inexperienced at prodding that "channel up" button before it's *too* late...

1. And next, starring Jennifer Aniston...
2. The following programme includes sexual scenes, violence, and a scene set in the local Conservative Club
3. Back by popular demand, it's the 13th set of repeats of the 34th series of...
4. Let's join Sky News now for a series of wildly misinformed and deranged statements by Adam Boulton
5. In case you missed that episode of Two And A Half Men we have eight back-to-back episodes coming up, and Charlie Sheen is successively smugger (yet falsely modest) in every single one...
6. If you'd like to see the next program in HD sit a bit closer to the screen and give your specs a quick wipe (okay, that one is just too implausible: for a start it doesn't involve paying an extra £10 per month with a two-year lock-in for a supposedly "free" upgrade)
7. It's that time of year so gather 'round the fire for The Snowman/The Great Escape/It's A Wonderful Life/some pile of shite with Adam Sandler pretending to be Santa's elf*
8. Five hours of recorded highlights of the Indonesian Grand Prix up next, but first a quick interview with Alex Ferguson who explains how simply wonderful and infallible he is, for the forty thousandth time
9. We haven't had a madcap stunt by David Blaine for at least fifteen minutes, so let's see how feckin' smart he looks with a cheese grater stuck up his rectum. (Actually I'd watch that one.)
10. Now let's hand you over to Davina McCall for...

* delete as applicable

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