More ridiculous World Cup tat

The deluge of shoddy shite on the market which exploits the World Cup continues to gather momentum with every passing day. (And how long, I wonder, before every mention of "World Cup" has to carry the obligatory strapline ©FIFA 2010 for fear of an enormous lawsuit?)

Cats, according to T S Eliot (the only literary reference you're gonna get in this posting), sleep anywhere.

← But if you're an eejit you could always invest 8 quid in this utterly stupid cat bed thing which is part of the Pets At Home World Cup range. Watch in awe as Tiddles sniffs it once, turns and glares, licks her arse then never goes near it again. And quite right too.

At least drinking beer and eating junk food fit the popular stereotype of how red-blooded English males will be spending the next two months (or however how long it is the World Cup goes on for). Even so, the full range of Walkers World Cup crisps almost defies the imagination....

The host nation's pack is colourful but the flavour choice is all wrong: either biltong or boerewors surely?

Which wretch had to synthesise the flavour of kangaroo? Who for god's sake had to sample the shortlist (and then presumably some real bits of kangaroo) before signing off on the echte Australian flavour?

What could crisps that taste like Spag Bol really taste like? And English Roast Beef would have been bad enough, but why the Yorkshire Pudding too? Did they bottle out of Tripe with Jellied Eels?

The flavours are probably more likely to resemble Rooney's Boot, Crouch's Jockstrap, and John Terry's Armpit, with a bit of Didier Drogba's Smegma for cheese lovers. 

As for "Scottish" haggis... they're not even in the World Cup. Presumably this appears in the range, along with the no doubt equally vile flavours for Wales and Ireland, so that the subject peoples of the UK don't feel left out.

If they have more money than sense Welsh, Scottish, and Irish fans will instead be buying this, an absolute bargain for those of a scatological bent →

In the rush to flood the market with tat where, I wonder, is the authentic S A police sjambok and .38 memorial gift set? Bound to win a following among the Country Club set surely?

"My husband and I regularly use ours when the servants get uppity" says Mrs Olivia Keffirbesher of Henley-on-Thames.